Dear Adoring Fans, [Dear Mom and Dad,]
I would like to offer my sincere condolences for the dearth of new material of late. [Sorry I haven't written you.] I was called upon to attend various exigent circumstances that required my diligent attention, leaving nary a moment to spare for my usual pellucid pondering or droll anecdotes. [I was busy have fun with the visiting Girlfriend and -- surprise, surprise -- studying for the GRE]. I will endeavor ameliorate any inimical or disconsolate sentiments arising from my anomalous abeyance through a series of particularly erudite observations and acerbic tales, although my peremptory adherence to an austere regime of vocabulary-augmenting activities may preclude the deluge in postings some my more devoted fans may dream for with cupidity. [I'll try to write some good stories soon to make up for the absence, but I'm also going to keep studying for the GRE, so they may not be as frequent as Mom hopes].
[PS I realize how lame and nonsensical this post is... please forgive me... it actually was a great way to study]